Night time driving is interesting

First of all, driving on a road, 55 mph, right? And the road has bumps you know, regularly, as the sections of the road make a slight noise when you drive over them. Suddenly, my cd is playing the Road Runner theme, and the bumps are EXACTLY IN SYNC WITH THE BEAT OF THE THEME and it stayed like that the entire song. So impressed with the universe right then.

Second, driving on a dark road, seeing a single flashing red light in the distance but not knowing how far away it is or what it signifies is really creepy. It was a red flashy thing at a four way stop, which I knew was there but didn't realise there was a light for it.

And thirdly, singing along with Josh Grobin and also Britney Spears while driving alone at night on a largely empty road in the country is super fun.

Also, I like sushi. Had it today. They didn't have Dr. Pepper, but the sushi was good nonetheless.

I feel like I'm dying

Ever since I got home and ate dinner I've been holed up in my room. Not hiding exactly, just, not being super sociable. At all sociable. I said hi to the cat that hates me, that totally counts. She ran and hid, because I am a scary person and I have stolen her room.

AND NOW PIT IS GONNA DIE AND PIGGY IS SO SAD. Pit and Piggy are strange nicknames for Chinese warriors. I kind of wish I had the first half to this movie. Two of my favorite parts are on that half. Sigh.

I have been planning on going to a movie tomorrow morning for a whole week. Now I'm like NEVER LEAVING THIS ROOM but that's not a good plan at all.

My Mommy just called me. Wait, she texted me, I called her. I remember trying to figure out the buttons to call people. I don't use the phone for that a lot.

DON'T PULL THE ARROW OUT THAT WAY OW.

I found an email from myself to myself with the subject

Him a time period like history from 1800-present

" I am alternatingly tormented by what my life is and what it isnt. One thing i know for sure: i am so tired."

That is all.

Living dangerously

I was walking down the stairs carrying dishes in both hands, and I don't turn on any lights because lights are difficult, also, don't know where the switches are, when I thought that if I were to trip and fall down the stairs it would be sad cause I'd like wake up in the morning late for work, and I might break the dishes, and what if I tripped over the cat and hurt it, right? But then I realised that the thing I would be most sad about is that I have an episode of Supernatural loading on my computer on hulu, and those things take awhile to buffer, and I'd not be able to watch it if I fell on the stairs and lied there unconscious for the night.

I'm only 1.5 episodes behind in Supernatural now.

I don't wanna go to work tomorrow. I sense this might become a recurring theme.

It might be late. Is it late? It's a little late. Whatever.

I don't want to

I have to go to work at 8:30 tomorrow. We went to see the office today, make sure I knew where it is and stuff. My uncle gave us a tour, and the room that he said I might be in doesn't have a desk in it, but he said they would get one. Sounds like they don't know exactly what I'll be doing, but I'm going to be trained in lots of things sounds like. My aunt, who is going to be training me, wasn't there today.

IT'S JUST SO NERVE WRACKING IS ALL.

I haven't watched the LAST THREE EPISODES of Supernatural, nor the season finale of Once Upon a Time or Fringe or I'm sure other shows, but the point is I'M SO BEHIND ON TELEVISION I WANT TO DIE.

But I set up wifi in this house, so that's good now. I'm laying in bed on my computer using the internet, haven't been able to do that in a long while now.

Oh, btdubs, Alaska was lovely.

I'm standing on a glacier

Alaska was 2 hours earlier than Nebraska, and now I'm in Michigan which is one hour later, so I lost three hours in the last few days. Sigh. And I have to get up in the morning early so I have to go to bed even though I don't get tired till later.

Oh look, we're standing on our balcony and seeing ocean and mountains and snow and stuff.

RAM stands for Random Access Memory

Not for Random Ass Memories.

See, a widget on my PC is a CPU monitor thing and there's thing for RAM: Random Access Memory, but I was like, random-ass memory?

I can't sleep.

What is the world coming to? When I, queen of sleeping, cannot sleep for any amount of time, the world must be ending.

So I don't feel well, and it's all my fault, what of it?

My heart hurts and my stomach hurts and my head hurts. WHAT, ARE YOU SAYING I SHOULD GO TO BED AND GET SLEEP? WHAT?

I am working on a paper thing. Don't know why, it's not long or overdue, it's just now is the time to finish this up for some reason.

I watched 101 Dalmations. That was fun.

I kind of want to go to bed, but it's so tall, and I also am like, but, I could just write this and then it'd be done.

BUT THEN, I remembered fucking Thursday, and how I have a test taht I'm going to fail and how C is due Friday and how I probably failed my English paper and then the paper I'm writing now is for my Crim class and ALL MY CLASSES ARE GOING TO BE FAILED AND I AM A FAILURE AND OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO BE LIVING IN MICHIGAN FOR THE SUMMER.

Those are not all related ideas. I am panicking a lot more than I need to about all the things. It is because I am ridiculous also, not sleeping.

And there are so many things in the future that I am looking forward to, I just can't think about them and not panic. Like, celebrating Manda's birthday, funtimes, going to Omaha and getting people to buy me food also Berkshire Hathaway stuff or whatever, funtimes, going on a fucking cruise to Alaska, awesomefuntimes probably, going on a helicopter in Alaska, supercoldfuntimes. See, lots of fun times, but before them, all of the panic and a little bit of the shame/fear that I did super poorly in all of my classes.

Remember, hey guys, remember when, remember the good old days, when I was like, a GOOD student?

So the corner of my poster just fell down a bit, so I got up to fix it and said, "After all this time?" and automatically replied to myself, "Always." And then I couldn't stop laughing as I affixed the poster back to the wall.

I don't, there are no words.

I am crying about Fringe

Oh my god Fringe, I called it way at the beginning of course, but STILL. Peter's FACE and then that HUG and I'm just so WORRIED and where is OLIVIA. Oh my GOD.

Later:

I may have fallen asleep in the cave with my lights on. Ok, I did, and now it's 4:40 and I don't want to get up and get in bed but I totally should because my back is going to hurt tomorrow if I continue to sleep like this.

I was doing so well

I have most of my paper done. I have a whole bunch of notes on what I need to say, I have at least half the paper in actual, formal, typed up paragraph form, I have  some ideas started being typed and then left there as paragraph fragments to be picked up and combined and shit.

But now I'm cold and hungry and I don't want to and Tumblr's dead and I have 5 songs on repeat on my iTunes and I don't remember how to things and my hair is suddenly very fascinating how it is able to do things when it is wet and then it dried and stayed that way and now I want to sleep with a pencil in my hair so I can wear it like this, but then I would probably stab myself with it and Christine would be mad that I killed myself with a pencil in my sleep.

Well, maybe someone else would care. I don't know, I would be dead in this scenario.

Anne's totes still awake.

I don't think I have any good snack foods here, so that would kill the go eat food to procrastinate plan.

Well, there are peanuts. I have so many peanuts. I hoard them, possibly in case we get attacked by people who are allergic and then I could throw them and run away while they go into anaphylactic shock.

I just kind of want noodles. :(

Oh god I cannot do... things

If I wasn't so afraid of things, and people, and talking, and if I was funny, I just really want to be a comedian.

I've attempted to french braid my hair. My hair is not cooperative. It was ok for the first minute, but now it's all, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS and decided to become a weird mess of not a french braid.

I'm writing in Written? Kitten!, a website, writtenkitten.net, that counts your words and then give you  a kitten once you've reached 100 or whatever, but I have yet to reach 100, so I don't even know what the kitten looks like. Also I don't want to write more words.

I've left this open for a long time, so I have written more words now. There is now a picture of a kitty next to my paragraphs of words. I'm sad that when I rolled over to 200 it was just a different kitten instead of 2 kittens. I was hoping for a whole bunch of kittens all over the page by the time I was done.

Use writtenkitten.net guys. If you close the tab, and then go back to the site in a new tab, the text is still there, so that's awesome. Though, do copy and paste into a Word document every once in awhile. Save save save you know. It's like Location location location, but shorter, and less famous.

How late is too late for potstickers?

I am hungry, man. I first typed hungery, and then I realised that it is 1:16, also that I have to get up tomorrow. Also, tornadoes.

People should use that line more often: "I think it's time we settle our differences. Violently."

I can't count

I'm knitting, right, one two three, one two three, over and over, and then I'm like, one two three four five six, oh wait, what am I counting to? Three. Right. Missed it. Damn.

I hope this doesn't mean that all the productive things I've actually done today have been wrong and stuff, because my brain doesn't work.

First of all, I'd just like to say that I didn't recognise the name Niall to be a real thing until about two weeks ago, but now I learn that an actor I have known for awhile is named Niall Matter and he's going to be on Primeval, which of course means I'm going to have to start watching it again. And then I will inevitably stop, again, like every other time I have randomly started watching Primeval because I thought I could handle it. I can't. No idea why, I don't even hate it, I just can't watch it even though I really like the actors and characters and dinosaurs.

The other Niall, of course, being from One Direction. He's Irish.

It's not that I hate Rome, I just hold a grudge against their history.

There are free root beer floats in Oldfather tomorrow (today) from 12-2, so if this gets read before then and we're not planning on going to get free root beer floats, WHY NOT, US?

I really like root beer floats.

How great would it be to be a British comedian though? They get to do all sorts of sketches, and panel shows with other comedians where they go on tangents and ignore the point of the show, and then they do guest spots on British shows like Doctor Who and stuff and are generally hilarious.

I keep knitting, and it's really disturbing to me every time I finish a row I have to flip the ENTIRE thing. It makes me want to try to knit backwards so I don't have to move it.

I want to read Catching Fire, again, even though I just read Catching Fire and Mockingjay this past Saturday through Monday.

I just heard the door. Did someone just leave?

Ooooooo, just found an episode of Talkin' About Your Generation on youtube that I haven't seen and I'm watching it and I love TAYG. So, amending previous statement about British comedians to include Australians. Nothing against American comedians, I just can't think of any that I like... Tiny Fey, Amy Poehler, that's it, but they're not even comedians exactly, they're actors, so, confused.

I got two hours of sleep last night

And then kind of fell asleep in church a bit

When I was bringing my groceries and things in from the parking lot I dropped all my groceries all in the foyer of the Courtyards and my container of ham from Easter opened and fell onto the mat but I still ate it for dinner because I decided that it probably won't kill me. If it does, less problems for me.

And now my cake is smashed.

I just hate everything.

I'm hungry

I thought I'd never be hungry again, but I am hungry now and I hate all the things.

Of course, three in the morning would be when I decide to evaluate my life and what I want to do and what kind of job I want and am going to be qualified for and how I am hopeless goddamnit. I have no skills and I am too afraid of people to survive in the world.

Oh man, this unsub is going to kill his sister. That sucks. I'm watching Criminal Minds and knitting, because obviously that will solve all my problems.

I am super psychotic, oh god.

Fo' Sho'

All day long I'm thinking about Drawing Something, and all night long I'm thinking about Drawing Something [repeat forever, chanting, not singing, because we're too cool for singing].

I don't even know.

You know what I do know? Being Human UK feels suck. Nobody even watches it, and yet I'm all FLAIL WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT and then you're all, get a grip Mary.

Also, I like One Direction. So sue me.

Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me

DOESN'T MATTER WHERE DOESN'T MATTER WHEN (doesn't matter wheeeen) I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU TILL THE VERY EEEEND. (till the very end!) DANGER OR TROUBLE: I'M THERE ON THE DOUBLE, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ALWAYS CAN CALL KIM POSSIBLE!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to sleep with the My Little Pony song stuck in your head?

MY LITTLE PONY

I USED TO WONDER WHAT FRIENDSHIP COULD BEEEE

MY LITTLE PONY

UNTIL YOU ALL SHARED IT'S MAGIC WITH ME

Yes, I am still awake. No, I don't really want to be. Yes, my parents are coming home today. No, the house is not in impeccable shape.

Remember that picture of a goat on a mountain side

Where it's just captioned OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

edit: (found it)

Remember that?

That is me.

My lungs hurt. I would say my stomach, but my stomach is not on both sides of my ribcage separated by an area that is impervious to pain. MY LUNGS HAVE A STOMACH ACHE. I don't understand.

IS IT THURSDAY ALREADY? OH GOD.

I stopped watching the show Grimm earlier this year because it was really dark and not interesting enough, but then I decided, why the hell not, so now I'm watching again. I love how Nick hides his friendship with Monroe and it's like he's covering up an affair but really they just aren't supposed to know each other. They even have scenes where Nick's on the phone and you assume the conversation was with his girlfriend, but then it cuts to him eating dinner with Monroe and it's so great and none of this makes any sense. Sure, every once in awhile there's something really gross that makes me hide all the tabs so I don't have to look at the grossocity of it all, but small price to pay. At least I haven't made the classic Fringe/Bones mistake of eating while watching it.

The more I have to do, the less I want to do

And then I feel like a horrible person that doesn't do anything, and then I continue to not do anything. And then I feel worse, and do less.

Right now I'm just freaking out about Being Human (UK) because I think next week is the season finale and I'm not ready and I just spent the last hour watching this last episode and going "Hal, baby, no, Hal, oh Hal, don't do it. Hal, don't be an idiot. Hal. Oh Hal." And then weeping dramatically into my pillow.

So maybe I'm a drama queen, what of it?

Apparently this is what I do now. I watch emotionally scarring things and then feel empty inside and then watch some more traumatising things and then weep forever and then watch Pride & Prejudice. Pride & Prejudice always seems to be involved. For awhile there it was Secondhand Lions, but then it went back to Pride & Prejudice. There was also an Inception period, and a Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy period. Not to mention the Batman Era. Thing about the Batman Era, it was both the emotionally scarring thing and the post emotionally scarring thing, so it isn't exactly the same as the Benedict Cumberbatch All The Sads leading to Pride & Prejudice.

AND NOW I'VE GONE AND WATCHED INSEPARABLE AGAIN, JERKS. I don't know who I'm blaming. Blame my parents, they left me here.